It upsets me how much anger seems to be directed towards this unborn child. Its not that fucking hard. I kept waiting for someone to say this. April 10, 2012, 4:50 pm. As for not wanting anything to do with her or her child, Im guessing that is momentary anger directed at her, not the child. So, stop with the 19th century stuff about doing the right thing. Women have complete reproductive autonomy. Not only to prevent babies but to protect yourself from STDs. April 9, 2012, 1:35 pm. Um, yeah. Your argument that consenting adults should never have sex unless theyre prepared to become parents neglects the fact that not only do we have the means to significantly reduce the risk of pregnancy, we have extremely safe ways of terminating pregnancies, especially very early on. But still. Believe it or not, but a bedpartner with a scintillating personality is not a prerequisite for the male orgasm: its possible to have and enjoy sex with somebody who you nevertheless regard as entirely obnoxious and devoid of LTR potential. lets_be_honest Courts are loath to do anything but joint custody unless one of the parents is an absolute idiot. This dude intends to contribute to the childs life financially, but in no other ways, which seems vastly unfair to the child. Likewise, you could find a wealth of men who paid for children who werent theirs. Now its your turn to sit in her chair, Dr. Sherry,My fianc cheated, we broke up but then got back together. There is no 100 percent way to prevent pregnancy. I dont know why this posted as a reply to Honeybeenicki I tried to post it separately. lets_be_honest Because she accidentally got pregnant with his child? Just sayin. Wow, thank you so much Lili. Happens all the time. Again, no. Can I interject for a moment and note that CUSTODY isnt generally whats tied to support; PLACEMENT is. Im so glad SOMEONE pointed that out. Also, I dont understand why you spend your whole letter insulting her instead of him. Just sayin. Im going out on a very weak limb to say that youre probably a better person than this letter which means youre definitely too good for him. Its as simple as saying you are on the pill when you arent. You deserve more than you are getting but if you accept less you will get less! Be responsible for your own bodies and your own choices. Everyone is in charge of their own decisions. His baby momma, the woman he claims he doesnt love and doesnt want to be with, is threatening to harm herself and the baby if he doesnt be with her. He doesnt have to have a relationship with her, but like it or not, if hes a real man, he will be there for HIS child, and even his ex. female Weeks. You want to be a slave to a prick like him? People surely arent calling him scum for not taking responsibility, because hes apparently going to provide support. These are not discussions about angels dancing on the head of a pin there is a child that needs financial support during his/her life. Whether this guy decides to be a part of this childs life or not is up to his conscience. No, a responsible father who is involved in the childs life will get joint custody. Where exactly do you live? She trapped him? Lots of it. However, RR, Ill assume that every time youve ever had sex, it has been with someone you wanted in your like as a co-parent and that it was at a time in your life that a child would have been welcomed. reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2008): A The only ones who dont are the ones who dont ask for it and/or whom the court deems is unable or unfit to. He was there just as much as that woman was. anyway, well, I've been discovering that I found out she's pregnant by someone last oct that she met. reader, TELLULAH+, writes (25 January 2008): A Yes, he had unprotected sex. I thought you were disputing the comments about it being not that contagious by disclosing that you were HIV positive. Example: Couple agrees to the set-up evanscr05s friend did. LW, why are you directing all of your anger at this other woman? female Chuck(le) And be aware that nothing short of not having sex is 100% guaranteed to prevent pregnancy. Now, I suppose, you could argue that my gay friends are more careful because death is probably a bigger inconvenience that a child you dont want and most likely wont really give a flying fuck about anyway But no, seriously Apparently many straight people are just too dumb to use a condom correctly. Now this is really petty, but I'm planning to post a picture of me and my boyfriend for her to see. Call me crazy, but I dont see any partys reaction to this crazy. April 9, 2012, 12:08 pm. Im perfectly happy to share my experience with you! She should think long and hard about that reason and not take her former bf back. This man seems to be both irresponsible and immature so be glad you can move on and not be stuck with him. He explained that they were always arguing, and that they actually broke up when he first talked to me. Is he supposed to lie and say shes a wonderful person, if she isnt? April 9, 2012, 7:31 pm, It is interesting that I have never met anybody with HIV who just magically got that way Instead, they have all been very upfront and honest about their mistakes I was careless Meaning they dont claim have been wearing a condom when they werent. And the world goes round. Well, now it's been years. The letter writers bf is furious at the woman having his child. Some said he deserved the label because he exposed the LW to STDs. Whatever happened to you to make you hate women doesnt have to mean a lifetime of whiny bitterness. You are being played with a capital P! This is a man that has never stopped cheating on you. Wow RR, I like it when you get angry. Also he could argue in court that the EXs fiance has taken on the role of father and the child would be damaged to find out that the fiance is not really the father. The only thing you need to think about is if you can stay and have a healthy relationship with a man who has a child with another woman and wants to bear minimal responsibility for raising the child. He slept with a woman he believed to be on the pill. Add your answer to this question! And no it shouldnt be just the womans responsibility that the bf just met if she decides to not have an abortion or give the child up for adoption. You mean, he should be able to decide whether or not hes emotionally distant and vacant from the life he had equal part in creating? April 10, 2012, 6:11 pm. 2) A woman having an abortion is not the same as a man refusing to have anything to do with a child. Plenty of fish in the sea, as they say. I mean, hey, we certainly couldnt be any more careless or reckless with this precious gift than women keep on proving to be, landygirl He sounds a bit flakey. if she has a miscarriage because he's back with you, your fault. This is when we see rebound relationships. No one has a condom, Lady says Its cool, Im on the pill and Dude says awesome, I already took my Viagra anyway, cant really run to the store. They bone. I know youve been in a tough situation and the fact that you and your daughter came out of it the amazingly awesome people you are shows that all a kid needs is an amazing mother who wants to provide for her kid at whatever cost to herself. I wanted to be the one who had a baby with . Id argue the country is not any better off for it, either. Coke doesnt have to visit you in the hospital and make sure youre happy. You may love and care for this man and attack the other women all day long, but at the end of the day, you do not have a relationship and nothing has changed. They wanted the child and now they want to whine about how hard it is? Im NOT saying she should abort, just that shes an idiot & she shouldnt expect a one-night stander to suddenly be a father. That pretty much sums it up for me. As Ive said upthread: a man who sleeps with a woman he believes to be on the pill does so with the not-unreasonable expectation that she doesnt want to become pregnant. I attempt to avoid name calling, but if you have a problem with one person ASKING another person to do or not do ANYTHING, you are a poor excuse for an adult! She will be lucky to have 50% of the day care costs alone paid for*. bittergaymark April 9, 2012, 9:19 pm, Note I said 99% of PEOPLE in that situation, not women. MOA, ASAP. Just shut up and pay the bills, right? She looked enough to bang, though, huh? If the childs mother fully intends to love and support and care for her child, and explain to him/her that their biological fathers lack of desire to be a dad or deficits has nothing to do with him/her that child will grow up no worse for wear. If a guy *does not* want to be a father, he shouldnt be having sex with women unless he knows, for sure, they have a similar attitude when it comes unintended pregnancy.. I was dating my ex girlfriend for 7 months before she broke up with me. She says the girl says she got pregnant while on birth control, puh leaaaaaaaaaase. Now that that lesson is over do you have any other questions? The idea that he actually said I would prefer if you had an abortion is laughable. The carpenter asks his brother to impregnate his wife via IVF using the carpenters sperm. I'm devastated and broken. But there is no ensuring that the child is cared for in an adoption. The fact that you can find examples of a law being broken doesnt make the law just or valid. Exactly. I think its more like HIV sufferers are more likely to be honest about how they got it because there isnt a societal blind eye for bullshitting about your personal responsibility for ending up in the predicament. Hes probably the worlds most prolific internet commenter. If the man doesnt, apparently you feel that he should not have that option. Why, my God, you could have hit a chid running out in the street. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Fuck yes, he shouldnt have a choice in that. Do you want to talk about how a baby is made? And John, be real for a moment, and honestly tell me you jump in on a number of issues here and not to just defend your brethren who you perceive to be under attack. And now that theres a pregnancy and the options arent his hes furious at the woman he impregnated because it isnt going the way he wants. I must respectfully disagree with you. Im an okder Dude but thats what we used to do. Its not a complex procedure. He doesnt want anything to do with his child? Dr. Sherry. Painted_lady The child support goes to support the child. Im not saying I think he should get any sort of say in it, but why are we so quick to deride his emotional response to an accidental life-altering event that, in his mind, could have been corrected, but isnt going to be due to someone elses decision? Nobody wants to refute what John says in his first post. You seem to put a lot of blame on her, but you do know that he was there too, right? This guy isnt worth anyones time. I would also ask him to get an STD test because he had unprotected sex. Hes made a choice. Ive been silent on this website a while, and by and large tend to agree with most of what is said, but I could not sit quiet as people suggested to a) force this man into parenthood, and b) suggest that this woman is incapable of being a single mother. Hes scum because he plans on abandoning the baby. Bless your heart. This was even more of a scandal in a small town in the 70s than it would have been today, but she decided to keep the baby. Everyone needs to quit having sex and then saying they hate or cant stand that person. So, then, women should always have to accept that theyre pregnant because they had sex and then have the child whether they want to or not? The choice to get pregnant was mutual. They probably hang out for a few weeks more, she kind of gets on his nerves for whatever reason and starts to bug the shit out of him.