That said; allow others in. It is sad to say 45, but I have no greater desire to be laying in the plot next to her so that I can be close to her for eternity. Glad I happened onto this website where I can share such deep feelings that I used to share with the love of my life. There is an acceptance of his loss that has begun to take root. He was a wonderful man, husband, father, gaga and he was my very best friend. I know your pain I loss our Stepdaughter in January 1992 and My Mr. Lee in July 2016. I read about so many gone within a few months after losing their spouse and think how lucky they are! Nothing has sidewiped me as my beloved partner partner. I am now one year eight months and seventeen days from the last day I saw him laying in the hospital bed dying. Its hard for me to keep a job or any type of relationship. But I have many things I need to do first before then. He had lung cancer but had been ill for years and I cared for him all that time . What if he knew he was sick and just didnt want me to know? Thank you. Since you do have the original Will, you must submit . The timeline is based on data on when breakthrough infections occur. She has seen so much suffering. But mostly not going to my mums everyday. I try to be positive and move forward. Losing a Brother I hear very little about. I felt so lost. to be strong for them, but some days My wife passed away just over 2 yrs ago. People say you need to find love again. I cant begin to describe how heartbroken I am and the second year is the toughest. I also am only 2 months in after the loss of my husband ..21 years of marriage and 5 children the latter of which keep me going ..he lives in them. I think that people mean well. Be patient with those who dont understand. I never knew I could cry so much and as someone says above, I dont want my anti depressants, its a different mind frame. My husband listens and understands and yet I continue to be sad. I hold onto all the I still think about him every day and cry every night. Its not in my character, its not who I am. Its easier but than again it isnt. - Unknown. My friends are the best and try to understand, but until you go through it, you can never truly understand the depth of this kind of loss. I deal with people daily and do not like my job. Theres nothing that the doctor could do for him he live nine days I think the when the doctor told her what was wrong it killed him knowing he was so bad and nothing that could be done. Grief is Grief. Ericka, I relate. I now regret it because little did I know he was grieving also, but I never knew because he was being strong for me. Dont be afraid of it, embrace it. I need one that tells me when we will be together again. I find myself not wanting to be around them because they get frustrated that I can not move forward. I still think about my husband everyday and I still miss him, but now when I think of him its with a smile. Why am I still here? The thought of living 20-30yrs without them is so very hard, I know exactly what u mean theres that one love and no body & I mean no body will ever take his place Ill never love again the way I loved him 35 years I was w this man & his gone Im still in a river of tears every oldie comes on the water starts to over flow I dont believe it gets easier I loved him my heart continues to hurt..nothing helps. Two years on it still breaks my heart my two children have been wonderful and my grand-daughters keep me going but I find it ooo so hard. I am not outgoing and heave no interest in making new community or establishing a new normal. My life with my beloved was just fine, and I thanked God constantly, for the gift of my soulmate. My kids live in a different state and dont even keep in contact with me. I dont know exactly. Sometimes I think Im to young to be dealing with all this pain but the love I had for him only means my pain is real. Being s mum of our two little girls takes up everything I have to give, the major part to this aching missing, remembering. I have tried to be strong, to work through the loss, taken on a healthier lifestyle, spend time with friends, dress up and put on my makeup, work hard yet I am left feeling empty. It was the Uncle who lived in the UK that was my one of my last links with my Mum & their early life, this is what is hitting me. I cry and curse yet, but I am not debilitated on the floor for an afternoon. 3. Since I lost my son. I show up for life but just get my body there. It may seem hard but try to change the flight response to fight. I have had a fight with depression most of my life. The pain is awful. The memories we've made will go on and on. Its been a year and 5 months since I lost my husband. I was only 19 when he passed away. I find that rem9feling our home has opened a myriad of emotions that sent me reeling. I wish you peace. Ill NEVER see him again. We had met and dated only three months before we were married. Now feeling that most of life does not fit me any longer: not my clothes, my town, my friends, my houseeverything seems empty on the bad days. Whatever the truth of mortality is, I wish someone would have told me in those early months that no one else can know or own your love. She died of complications from a routine surgery, and from the time I took her to the ER until she died it was only 2 weeks. But his plans now don't appear as concrete. I came home to be with her after my brother died 2-1/2 years before. I had cranky moments like everyone but now Im on a roller coaster I cant get off. He was the best husband and father! This was without doubt the hardest thing Ive ever done. I feel like time has stopped as I am in a complete never ending story of several emotions at one time. Let the grief happen but look after yourself too. We were together for 48 years, did everything together, and lived for each other. I was about fifteen when he went into the service he was three years my elder. I am so overcome with sadness. Its been 5 months for me though. Go. I have just been reading through this site and found your response to minelike you..I dont want to socialise..I go to work..come home to the whirlpool of love from my two puppies..you and I are so blessed to have our furriesI know I will never have another soul mate and am so thankful to have been so loved and accepted for who I am ..may our boys rest in peace until we are together again..hope you have settled into your job.work will help keep us both going..hugs..ann. She passed suddenly from a heart attack. Use the DATEDIF function when you want to calculate the difference between two dates. Were in the club that no one wants to join. We were living in St. Louis when he was diagnosed with GBM-Brain cancer on November 2015. Worse even if you can believe it. I miss my wife I came home from work 2018 found my wife on the bedroom floor. There was just my brother and I and he was a great guy, down to earth, great sense of humour, a very kind man and I loved him very much and miss him a lot and yet as mentioned I am not on my own. happy again. I am having a horrible time with not having him and I do not know if I will ever be free of my horrible grief. I wish I could say something that would make it better, but my faith tells me that the Lord has given you both a season in life, and that season has ended. Its been 2 years since my mom died. Michael was a gifted guitar player. My throat always feels like Ive swallowed a big gobstopper. so be it . Regardless she of 37 years marriage and 6 years of love prior is gone and so was I actually the day of diagnosis in June. Everything seems meaningless. . Routine has changed so much and thats hard for me because I felt lonley. I had been married to him since I was 16 years old. I have no children, and I cant imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. I do daily things to get by but just want to go to sleep and hope I dont wake up. Well a couple months after he was killed. I lost my wife on August 12, 2018. I was in total shocked! So in addition to trying to process her death, I still find myself saying to myself What happened? The first year I immersed myself in clearing things up and moved across the country to be with my daughter. I lost my beloved mom on October 5, 2018. As time moves further into the future, I find my grief is actually getting worse! Hi I lost my husband 15 months ago and Im so lost and empty inside I keep thinking maybe hes not really dead and is just taking time out on his way home from work he had a cardiac arrest we have 5 kids 3 older and two under 12 we were together for 25 years he was also my best friend we went through so much together I have a mental illness and from the good and bad times he was the I had a court case 11 months after he died he never got to see the outcome and after been together for so long 3 years ago with him by my side I decided to do it I wish he could have been there free dealing with things and been my my side I feel so guilty that at the time he needed me most I wasnt there for him also he was never sick I miss him so so much my heart and my body physically hurt . com. It NEVER stops hurting. A battle every day to overcome his heart disease with swollen limbs from heart failure. Dont worry, I would not hurt my son or my kitties by hurting myself. He passed suddenly 7-18-16, and I still cant believe he is gone. I feel the same. I hope they never have to know what its like to have a melt down over changing a light bulb or finding ants in the kitchen. Second year I basically ran, walked alone on hikes, tried to get to know the new place. So I had my children to worry about also now the puppies and my husbands family member. I feel I can,t cope. I still grieving my life totally revoved around them especially when mum got sick. all the time.God bless you. Very first time I laid my eyes on my bf I was in love. My family would like to bury his remains and I feel angry again . So many comments Ive read hit so close to home. An Excell ant article..really on the mark. It will be two years this month. I am hosting the in-laws. but when I am alone I just lie on the couch, cry, and feel sorry for myself. The 1 year anniversary of his death is in a couple days. My prayers go out for all the ones who have lost a loved one. I dont know at the moment what the day will provide. My friend says we are misfits. God bless you. I told him, I cant drink, because I cant even swallow! His response was, of course you can swallow, it just hurts. At night I look at the sky and make a wish on the brightest star I see, believing it is you. I think I will only be content whenever he comes for me but Im even now having doubts about where he is and is there really life after death, Its been 2yrs &2 months since my husband suddenly pasted away. But I think this is probably normal, and its certainly normal for me. I am 41 and lost my husband suddenly 13 months ago. It is now year two and in some ways hurt worse than the first when I was in shock. They then called us to get in the room where he was, he was there lying on the bed surrounded by doctors and nurses, he was hooked on tubes a lot of tubes with the machine that was pumping real hard, my oldest daughter that was with me was screaming, we love you so much dad, you can do this etc. My husband was a Paramedic, and worked in the emergency department at a hospital. Im struggling daily just to go on. I know the feeling Angie I myself am constantly weeping and unbearably sad. Im very depressed and have terrible anxiety which makes my grieving even worse, Ive read through everyones posts and i can see i am not alone but in my world I am. I wont give you any of the tired and pathetic pieces of common advice. He had the same slightly crooked nose, mocha skin, 5'9" body and Spartan-warrior haircut. See a translation. We saw his body deteriorate the last 4 months and he held out for as long as he could for us. It was almost like they are just now remembering or being affected again. Ive always been in control of my life & now Im not. Initially, I felt shocked. i am approaching the second year since my wife died unexpected she went to visit our son and died of a brain aneurysm non his front lawn- Married 36 years- every day is a struggle and as busy as i try to be having two children in their thirties i still feel so lonely when i am alone at bedtime, it is inconceivable that i can be happy again. Ive felt so guilty since he passed about everything I could have said and everything I shouldnt have said, it makes me feel sick to my stomach. He had a massive heart attack but the insurance said he was not sick enough to have the tests to get treatment. In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. Strange as this may sound, I am now finding life even more difficult. I felt Helpless blamed myself. Its been two years coming up and the loss has gotten worst. His father had heart disease and We knew he had probably inherited his fathers genes for heart disease who passed at forty six and his father before him passed at forty two. it has suddenly hit home I will never get on that plane to see him, Ill never be able to bring him home and look after him like he looked out for me. Im bipolar, which does not help. We were married for 13 years. I pray that these feelings will pass soon as I am so fed up crying. "The bad news is time flies. One thing is I have to learn to live with is the new normal. My husband died after autopsy report. God bless you all. Now in year two Im dealing with unresolved grief for my daughter and the emotions I pushed so far down are now bubbling to the surface. He was retired and they always stood at the window and waved me off in the morning. I wish the pain would just be more kind. When you lose someone that close to you it is the one time when you can tell the whole world to go jump in a lake if it expects you to get on with things. We dont fit into our regular lives anymore. He was truly my best friend. . The second is Grief Share, Your Journey from Mourning to Joy, a nationally organized support program to help individuals in their most difficult journey. Right now, this moment, put away the baggage from the past, shake yourself free from the fear of the future unknown. Hang in there. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. I am into year #2 . These days are what made the memories so hard to deal with. All I can tell you is that in the weeks following his death I visited psychics, read about everything I could in an afterlife, looked forward signs.this is called denial. Im now 47. I was hyper vigilant about every little thing; trying to hold on tight and control everything to keep from going under. My older brother my only sibling. Wendy, i lost my mother/best friend 16 months ago and feel the same, nothing will ever be the same again and we are all just a little spot in time. On May 28th I came home from work and found my husband had passed in his easy chair. It didnt hit me until I was driving out of the hospital parking ramp: I didnt get to take her home. The first year was a whirlwind of emotions and things that needed to get done. Feeling lost and lonely, my upbringing makes me believe religiously, however I do have doubts, mainly feeling as if I was robbed (which I think is me being selfish). "The life of the dead is placed in the heart of the living" - Cicero. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. It is not as bad as the first year but i still have more sad days than happy. I have been travelling a lot, which helps, have lovely, helpful children and friends, so many blessings, but this is like being punished and in many ways I feel I deserve it, I would like a cat or dog, something living around the house, but I go away so much. Im so sorry for your losses. There is such sadness and emptiness. I cannot imagine spending the rest of my life alone and I know my wife cant come back. However, the helpful responses live on, and one of them was absolutely incredible. The course is Christian based but applicable regardless of your belief and faith. Strange to think I am now living longer them. Nothing, and I mean nothing could have prepared me for the grief-slog of these past 14 months. I have never recovered and the se ond christmas this year is,worse than last year. I sometimes now find it hard to walk down a street that holds. I crie often even in my sleep, I dont think it will ever stop been this way for me. I can say, there is hope and it is centered around one step at a time. It will be two years for me in December. To say I miss him, cant never give me the Try not to constantly think of your sadness. I am shattered, dont want to live without him, and every morning I still wake up after a night of praying and pleading to The Creator, to please let me go Home to join my beloved soulmate. I hope that your grief process will ease very soon for you. My Uncle was my Father figure, he & my Mum were very close & he would talk about her regularly. This is my second Christmas without him and I promise the nights for me are the worst. It felt so good. I went home with a really heavy chest, I cant wait to tell him in the morning (son used to go to our bedroom and hug him good morning and an I love you dad). I am in a grievance class hoping it will help. Ill keep tip toeing forward and maybe attempt to wave at someone carrying their boulder on the tight rope next to me. real visitors with unique IPs. Even though my love struggled with Parkinsons Disease for more than 25 years. The dr gave be sleeping tabs to get my body /mind back i to sleepmode . I miss his smile, laughter, companionship,voice, etc. It isnt any easier if it happens early or later than anticipated. Required fields are marked *. Maybe. I am currently in my second week of the 13 week course and am finding it to be very beneficial. I feel like Im going insane. Anyone else lost 2 sisters or siblings at young ages who can at least relate on why at almost 2 years post second loss I am experiencing deep depression and complete apathy sure I fake it and smile when one is cued because I dont know how to anymore. The only approach is to get STRONGER, so I can carry it more easily and for as long as I have to. It has been 18 years since I lost my husband, and I will tell you, it does get easier. When we are adjusting to oneness each day is a learning experience. Even though it had been months since it happened, I could see where the earth had been turned over for proably 50 yards. Want. We only had 11 years together but they where the best years Ive ever had. I returned to those dark days and the grief now is unbearable l need her to comfort me its l like l finally realised that she is gone. I believe that the Lord made our hearts for relationships, and that we are not to go life alone. Im sorry i dont have an answer for you but i want you too know that you and your feelings are not alone. Every day is a struggle doing better with Councellor,but I miss him sooooo much I never got a chance to grieve for my dog and now I was faced to grieve the both of them alone. Either we can learn from these . just realized recently that this will not get any better at all. We were short 5 people for holiday dinner in one year. Seek family, friends or local grief help. I cant find joy. They are 53 years old 50 years old and 47. The first year was mostly like a in shock, autopilot, anxiety driven adrenaline survival mode. Your children would feel the pain you feel if something happened to you! I also have been through hell.Losing brother niece nephew going through breast cancer and my husband of lung cancer.This is now the third year and reality is now is hitting me,but I have to care for my mother ,and to ensure that my children and grandchildren who loved their grandfather so much to give them some stability. I haven't stopped crying since you went away, and I've asked God time and time why you couldn't stay. I keep saying to myself I should have and could have done more to help her. Early on I dehydrated terribly and could not think clearly at all. Glenna had a massive stroke right after I keep her teddy in my passenger seat, her picture on my dashboard. I thank you so much for sharing. I thought I was coping my kids where still trying to cope with there own grieve. Psychiatrists want to put me on SSRIs and mood stabilizers because they believe I have bipolar disorder as a result of fluctuating moods. you are so right. I lost my dad 14 months ago, and today I feel as though I had just lost him this morning. but it ends in a big cry fest. I am now in month 14 and the feeling that I mentioned earlier, that in some way my purpose in life was to grieve, has begun to abate. I dont have no desire to date. I hope for your best and for someone wiser than myself and more experienced than myself contribute to your (our) understanding. I dated soon after her death as someone that i would not have pursued asked me out. You were and always will be the love of my life. My birthday. brain tumor surgery. He was 45, and had suffered no symptoms until is was far too late. Im carrying my grief alone, with friends that will never understand the pain, and a sister that is suffering just as much as me. amen No words to make it better I would if i could. He came into my life defending me from a bully. I will never get that scene out my head for as long as i live as i froze completely instead of performing CPR like i shouldve (nothing anyone can say to me can change my mind that had i started the CPR 12 minutes before he might have at least had a chance of not being braindead, especially considering that I am CPR certified). read your post and it could a mirror of my life! Thanks for this. Cry daily cannot stop crying. I feel guilty that I am still mourning the loss after two years of my brother`s passing. Why is God so cruel? The second year is different in many ways, first that some people expect you to be over it. That hurts. I constantly think of him and cry because our 55 years together made us so close and we even got to think alike after all that time. I remember the 1st year being a blur. We ALL die. So Ive decided to join her. Excessively avoiding reminders or good memories . I cant explain why but I find my self at work looking out the window, seeing the rain and my heart hurts as if it just happened. i wish all of you well, and know i ache for you and your losses. Dear Everyone who is suffering and grieving a lossI hear and feel your pain and suffering. But.. The other day, I saw the spitting image of my ex on the platform of the F train. I have to be strong for their children they left behind..they need me and i need them. Its becoming real and it sucks. Ever since my love passed away Ive had to deal with a lot of pain. It has been a roller coaster of emotions and challenges to my health and mental wellness. I lost my wife on December 2017 to cancer. I've written letters to everyone who . Which was lovely and took the pressure of me. I dont think Ill ever be ok again. Biden's order included a 60-day review. The stories Ive read on this site are more in line with my experiences. July 2018. I have sleepless night. A week later he was so weak he was hospitalized then sent to hospice and then he was gone. I think there is an acceptance that your loved one will not be back, but the hurt does not stop. My dog had her puppies on on Xmas day my husband was put to rest two days before Xmas. I was her caregiver for her last six months. Reading all of the comments on this forum I just dont feel that my grief is normal- I love and miss him so so much so just dont understand how I can just carry on with my life and am not at breaking point anymore. I dont know why the first year I felt it was all a dream and my son wasnt really gone. It does ease after a while. The longer its been since weve seen them or heard their voice. Reading others comments soothes me some and I thank you all. Some days, I think Im going to be ok (not the same kind of OK! that maybe I would have been before all this happened, but an ok relative to my new life), and other days Im in a deep, dark, scary place that I dont think I can survive. My husband died 15 months ago as a result of a hiking accident. He Was Grieving Over The Death Of His Best Friend. I think of her every day and night. My wife passed away march 13, 2015 after fighting cancer for almost 15 of the 16 years we were together. The pain was unbearable, especially going to his grave. She was just 51 years old and bravely battled cancer for six years. I lost mom 14 months ago. When dad started to become frailer we asked them to move back to England so we could help take care of dad if he became more frail. It can be so isolating. I met him when I was just 15 years old so I grew old with him. Those are two very different relationships but the loss is felt for both.