I did, however, start practicing acceptance and my father never forced me to be ok with anything. Hes only been dating her 3 months and Ive just been told he will be bringing her to visit when he sees us over the summer. Thanks for an opportunity to vent although in a sense it is 35 years too late! The woman I married and loved did not even resemble the women who died after nearly five years of illness. I have learned and moved on, knowing I will never let this happen with my kids. I told him he should try to develop and strengthen his relationship with her and, in turn, her relationship with my dads wife will improve. Some of you expressed concern about the relationships being too soon, and I agree with some of you, but specially men that depended completely n their wives, have been married for a long time, dont want to be alone. I quickly looked at my dad and told him that her body wasnt even cold and she hadnt been cremated yet. He was kind of a hermit. From the get-go me and my siblings had qualms about his relationship. We all are afraid to be alone, we are human beings, social by nature. So in my moms house, surrounded by her beautiful knick-knacks, is this woman with no job, no prospects (she seems a little brain damaged), and no sign of getting better. However, when I call, he rushes me off the phone. He used to return my calls and now that is no longer the case. The hole in my heart was huge. Then in August, he went to Cabo with her sisters and family. Then he met the one we didnt, not because we didnt try because we did. . I think part of it, for me, is that I feel like if I accept my dad having a new woman in his life, I am being disloyal to my mom. Wasnt she due a little more respect than this? We would talk on the phone for long periods of time. She was my best friend and i miss her everyday. They were married 34 years good relationship. I never met the woman my dad is involved with. Im hurt and lost. Until I realized that I still had my dad and I dont want to lose my dad if I still have a chance to have my father in my life. The only peace I have is that she will have to answer to God and probably my mother in the end. My dad said they were just cleaning, but they werent doing his office stuff, the kitchen counters and other spaces less tied to my mom. Interesting then that my brother would come home the other night to find them cuddling on the couch at my dads house. If someone lost a leg would we feel we could say Cheer up at least you still have one! I even find myself wishing bad things happen to her. Just email me at: janevock@sehc.com. My mum told me today that a friend she made not long after he for all you women dating widowed men, take note that the adult children (esp daughters?) Both sons are married, one lives locally and one is in another state. Im sad, scared, confused and irritated with myself for petty immature thoughts. They never lived together the occational wknd away or at the cottage and she said she would never sleep in my mothers bed so if she came to spend the night, it was in the spare room. He makes zero effort to chat when I visit and tells me they both talk to each other all the time. He says that if you grieve over someones death, it is because you are not right with God. He had never been around death until that time, my parents had been married 55 years. I got to hear so many stories I had never heard of, and I felt incredibly connected to my fatherand, unexpectedly, at peace with my grief. He drives her everywhere even though she has a car sitting outside her door,THEY BOTH go visiting her family together,regularly together,yet its only dad alone that visits my family and sisters. In fact, I caught him with tears in his eyes at one point and I couldnt help but wonder if he was thinking about my Mom that night. I don't know if it helps, but if you do ever want to just spout out, feel free to PM me. So he breaks up with her. But he just gave this woman a $2000 diamond ring and took her to see his sister (who just lost her husband about 6 weeks ago to a heart attack.). SO anyway I dont know how to get over this feeling but am very thankful I am not the only one out there feeling that way. I understand that everyone needs someone, But i dont think it should be forced on the surviving kids/ relatives, at least not till their ready. After all this time he is good and angry about the way I am treated in order for my father to maintain good relations with this unworthy woman. Although, I support him having a new life with a new lady friend, but not this soon. He hasnt known this woman very long. She physically abandoned her family but my father mentally abandoned his. He is pretty much alone now anyway. To make it worse my Dad moved 7 hours from all of us kids and we havent heard from him very often. Hope these things give you some things to consider. I just found this websitereading through all your comments made me feel better.I am not the only one feeling lost and angry! My moms hospice nurse Judi became friends with my dad shortly after my mom passed and he called it just friends. We donated most, but I took the time to go through every item, so I kept a few that I liked. Key Tip 1: In time, grief will diminish, although it sometimes takes a year or longer. The women he dated didnt respond to him like he had hoped. I have been so shocked to read that so many daughters do not support their fathers happiness. We obviously dont matter. I lost my mom on March 24, 2008 after her very hard fought battle with colon cancer. How short-sighted and petty is that? Im well aware that Im of an age where I could move out if I needed to, and Im immensely grateful that my father is still supporting me. My mom started dating someone just after Christmas and it came as a shock to me because within the weeks prior to Christmas she stated that she wasnt ready to date anyone yet. But i'm sorry about him dating is it doesn't mean that void. We live nine hours apart, and I suggested meeting somewhere in the middle with a counselor. Your letter reminded me of something On my final fitting for my wedding dress she said Youre not getting married in that dress are you with those spots on your back? How kind to give my confidence such a boost! My dad met his new and first girlfriend since my moms passing early this year. Out of my siblings, I was the only one physically involved in the day-to-day care of my mother, so their understanding is limited. I also go everynight after work and cook dinner. I believe that you should take into account the children feelings up to a point. You summed it up in this line especially The very knowledge that my dad has moved on is like losing my mother all over again on a daily basis. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. She is a horrible stupid butt who my dad even called psycho the other day yet continues to torment me with putting her shit all around my mothers moms house who of course both are dead. WebAll families are different and all people handle mourning differently. Has anyone been able to move on from the pain of their parents getting involved with someone else so soon? Most of the adult children of parents who are dating after a reasonable amount of time of the passing of a spouse, are in a mode of it is all about me and not about my parent. Me My parents were together for 40 years. I figured who would seriously date my dad lol figured he was fun and nice so a group of going out friends would be fun and good for him? I have lost my father, and she couldnt care less about anyone but herself. That i dont respect that she doesnt like the shampoo i buy her or the hand soap. The D in particular had a very difficult time handling it. I bet he has no idea how this has hurt you, Mom was the only parent to make me feel special and love me unconditionally. He cant go around the sadness or loneliness he feels. After my fathers burial service, friends and family held a brunch where everyone went around the table and shared a lively anecdote. In addition to adjusting to life without parent who has died, you now have to also deal with the surviving parent/step-parents relationship choices which will surely impact you directly and in-directly. Dear John, my mother passed on after a short sickness of Blood cancer. It will do no good. I read every comment on this page and for those that are in the same or similar situations I feel your sadness, anger, and pain. Your story could be my life story. And then a few days later, I come home and he invites her without my permission to join us and my friends at a restaurant with live music. It makes sense that I mean really? I just read the most recents posts.If you read this and think you can give me advice, please do. Thank God he finally saw through her manipulation before it was too late. Sure how to provide comfort this father's death. I explained that feeling to my step-dad, and told him he is immediately to call me if he thinks he's going down that path. Dave and to all of you that are hurting and grieving your beloved parents and family members, Its easy to say forget about her and watch a ballgame, but what if you watched a ballgame or read books for 5 years and stood by as the woman you loved became someone else and just withered away in a cruel manner. Youve done nothing wrong - your mom is responsible for her own finances and you have every right to have your own space with your family. My mom passed away quickly from a rare cancer 2 months ago. I assume you cannot know this feeling of losing a spouse unless it has happened to you. We became extremely close with my father and spent countless nights in the living room together playing games. My mom was my confidant, my best girl friend, etc. Before and after my mother passing from leukemia my father was dating and later married my mothers best friend from college. He has brought her to birthdays for our grandkids and kids. He left immediatly after we ate. At times, my Dad will bring up being buried next to my Mom. Worse still, he is in ICU with a poor prognosis and I am expected to defer to her. He tells me not to bring my mom up in front of her. All bets were off when she was in the house organizing stuff. My father is with this person every single day & calls him at least 3 times a day. I am expected to meet her and spend time with her, and when I do not, I become the outcast. It looked as though he was sleeping, but closer inspection showed white foam dripping from his blue lips. My sisters and I say that she is acting this way because she is manipulative and plotting. Im not dating her. It always protects, always trusts, always hope, always perseveres. Otherwise, my father spent the entire weekend with them, and my brother and I were stranded at home all alone. It isn't her job to help you pack. Ellen and my dad married in October of 2004 just a little over a year after my Mom passed away. Murdaughs wife, Maggie, and son, Paul, were found fatally shot on the familys Islandton property on June 7, 2021. The AC has only one mother, so there could never be a threat. My mom had a disability in her legs for as long as I can remember and as she got older, it got worse and she got to the point of not being able to walk. A simple acknowledgement about that to the kids from her, especially, would have been nice. While I did take some of my moms belongings out of the house when my she passed with my Dads permission there are still things in the house that belonged to her and my grandmother. You get to live your life. I think he can now begin to start processing his grief over my moms death (we have just now passed the three month mark since her funeral.) While he will be happy that he's dating. You and your dad need to talk ask him to tell you how he is feeling too since he lost your mom. In fall of 2015 my stepfather announced he would be taking the friend on a trip out of the country. This made my life about 1000x worse to make a long story short, the storm passed and my dad and Is relationship had gotten better over the two and a half years since my mommas passing, and thats what she wouldve wanted. NTA. We were home a week then they left again on a trip to Hawaii. Any thoughts as to if there is a better way to assist my WBF with/in this situation. Dear carolyn: for novel coronavirus and that you need to crack the death. My parents were married 60 years. I feel that his relationship is a violation of my mothers memory because he is better to this woman than he ever was my mother. which is just so-true. In time, you will learn to work around it and not let it absorb you and suck you up. i lost it. This is a different time of your life, a different love. She took some wrinkle cream back to the shop when she was about 85 to complain it had not worked. So, as a girlfriend, find a man that does not hurt his own children for the sake of a woman who was never the mother of his children and use the excuse of making him happy, time does not matter, and who cares about the fact that you have impacted in a very negative and damaging way the relationship in a family. Your mom sounds very lazy and manipulative. She be-friended me & acted like we were the best of friends. My dad has changed with the way he is with me too. Your mom sounds like someone who tries very hard to be self-sufficient - which means you may not know the extent to which she relied on your dad. he lied to me before when i asked him of his relationship and goes off to see her whenever he wants. I never expected my Dad to be alone after my Mom passed, but I sure didnt expect him to suddenly turn into Mr. and my dh could not understand my sadness at this. She formed a social bubble with my sister and her daughters, so they enjoyed Sunday dinners together. This has helped him considerably, realizing that there are more people that depend on him than he thought, and how important he is to people. What to do? The 24th will be four months since my moms death. Wow. What we find offensive is All you will be wanting is for your Mom to still be alive and well and for your Dad to be be with her and for all this never to have happened. Im going insane, and waste all day being unproductive as I think about how unfair and how much I hate her. WebAnswer (1 of 2): Do you want to? She thought she was doing my Dad a favor, but she was supposed to have been a friend to my mother too! Honestly, Id rather stick a fork in my eye than talk to her. He said tonight you will not win this you will not run my life. The crazy part is they all had both parents in their lives. My dad went online 7 months after my mom passed away and met someone. My aunt, (my Dads sister) told him once that she would never be able to feel the same way towards Ellen that she felt towards my mom. Military Losses Often Complicated by War Coverage. Since then weve had little positive correspondence and havent seen them for over a year. She wont let us help her do anything if it pertains to my dad including going into his bedroom. I was nervous, she hadnt made any effort to get to know me. There are still times I am so angry at him for choosing his girlfriend, over his family. My mom and I were very close before she got sick and got even closer during her illness, so this feels like a violation to me in so many ways. I am just not going to feel sorry for someone who is disliked by both her family and his. She doesnt want another master in his life. Bringing in a stranger so soon after the death of a spouse and abandoning your own family during the time they need you the most is inexcusable. Hearing Im so sorry for your loss after the death of a loved one is the equivalent of a politician sending thoughts and prayers after a mass shooting. WebMy father is dating after my mother died - Find single woman in the US with mutual relations. They deserve to be happy. Having to have chemo weekly with only a few breaks in between, left her very ill during the process. For me, its not about replacing his wife or her presence in the family. She would rather donate or sell items (and she doesnt need the money) that were my fathers instead of ask either me or my sister or either of our sons if they would like to have something of my fathers. I will never forget my dad showing me how match.com worked. She struggled with cancer for over 2 years. e treats us is certainly not making me happy. What Im also seeing, and what I feel about my own situation, is that, the bottom line is there is a lack of respect, sensitivity and compassion for those whove also lost that person by either both, or the dad or the new woman. He knew that I wasnt happy, but had no idea that it bothered me so much. Which I am sure hurts him but I am hurting too. He hopefully loves his parents awful fights and don't become too quickly changed. Someone help me with this. My heart eyes goes way up every time she messes up our home, bleaching the carpet, breaking things cuz she mindlessly pulls stuff too hard or carelessly. It felt so good to get on this website and read that so many other people are experience the same things that I am. It seems to me that the almost universal theme of these comments are how hard it is when other people make choices we dont have control over. I am left feeling very angry and I dont know why. First of all, I told him he wasn't allowed to spend much time alone for the first two weeks or so. Go grocery shopping with her cook with her go see the movies. Take care of yourself first. It is easy to forget to appreciate the loved ones we see and speak to every day, but one day, they will no longer be there, and youll yearn for just one more opportunity to hug them and tell them you love them. They should use some decorum, show some respect for their childrens MOTHER, and think about the example they are setting for their GRANDCHILDREN. It was a shock!! Even if you are the nicest person ever it will be really difficult. I wasnt actively looking for anyone but the opportunity presented itself thru my church. Once my sister and I got married and moved out, she continued cooking for my dad and her and wed pick up the extra sauce and meatballs to have during the week. The women across the street lets call her Marsha, Marsha, Marsha, was very nice at first, but then after befriending a person in the neighborhood started to be mean to me, and due nasty things, such as putting silicone in my outside plugs etc. I even sent very clear instructions via text to my family as I boarded my flight home to Seattle. For the price of a large house in the U.S you could get a tiny place over in the U.K You just get more bang for your buck in America. What makes it so depressing is that every time the person is mentioned it is"John Doe, the deceased," Every ten words you're reminded the person is dead. I am going through something similar, but there are added complications. His response about this has been so offensive that is has resulted in some family members wanting to not have any further contact with him. The getting into my dads house and rearranging personal stuff that is the thing that was worse than the fact that she existed. What do I do? She unplugged her phone because my calling once a day while my father was sick was stressing her out. It could be argued that not being forced to entertain this stranger on an important family holiday would make you feel better! Ive never really been close with my father and this seems to be driving more of a wedge between us. I would like to help but she doesn't seem to want to ask for help. She has even assaulted my sister by shaking and shoving her. But you are the one who is grieving, not your Father, and you can experience it any number of ways. Im glad he let me do this instead of just getting rid of it all himself. As if I was 2 years oldtonight, he did it again over the phone. Were you able to predict how this would feel? We have to live it the best we can and not have any regrets later on. This can feel like being in a state of shock or confusion surrounding the death of a parent. Its been five months since she passed but I knew for nearly a year that she was going to die, it was a matter of time and that was that. How long were they together? The key here is I believe, she has abused him into such a state that he can no longer think for himself for fear of being alone. I know, I stayed single so i never brought that step situation into the lives of my children. How do I make peace with no longer having a relationship with my father and his lack of relationship with my daughters? The S flat out told me he did not have a problem with our dating. In my own case it was what eventually powered me through some difficulties. The next day, I find a note in plain view written by her that says, On July 12 you On July 13th we went to the concert and then the last one said he sent her a dozen red roses! A catharsis for the frustrated moral philosopher in all of us, and a place to finally find out if you were wrong in an argument that's been bothering you. Your mother who has passed away and is in heaven wants you to be happy which is your job here on earth.
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