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Hah. I hope you go to Vegas and find love with someone who doesnt treat you like property. He cant expect his partner to sacrifice herself to the whims of his anxiety. Granted, the event I was at was for a Fortune 100 company but in addition to the hotel security, they had private security and company reps everywhere. Yup, wholeheartedly agree. Me: What did you say? I go there once or twice a year for my relaxing vacation. Ive also recently spent a weekend away with a close friend at a lake for a swimming event, and numerous overnight trips to see my family or friends in other parts of the country. Actually, it would be easy for my husband to find someone who shares these views. Dont try totalk yourself into thinking that itdoesnt matter orthat they didnt mean anything byit. My spouse (temporarily) lives in a different state than me and if I call them and they dont answer my mind immediately assumes that theyve been in a car accident. We talked about it a lot and it turns out that most of his fears were based on baggage from previous relationships (2 of his exes cheated). My dad goes around the world: Spain, Taiwan, Japan and he spends it all on a commercial ship fixing the radar, sonar, ormcomputer. sienna plantation inventory homes; masters in international law and diplomacy; is daffodil water poisonous; Yes, its off the strip, but my room was GIGANTIC. I think the intent is clear, though; its that the nameless sources would object to their spouses going. Maybe its the way he framed it to his friends, or maybe he wasnt being completely honest about that. Because were not one being known collectively as The Couple, were two individuals who just really like each other, but also respect each others autonomy. I also dont think cultural relativity is relevant when OP is clearly uncomfortable with his behaviour. Being with a partner whose anxieties and irrational fears are put on your shoulders is not healthy, and thank god I recognized it when I did! For example, phone #: 123-333-4567. I would have zero concerns about my husband going to Vegas without me, and I know that he would have zero concerns about me going without him. I have no idea. Yall need some marriage counseling. Group Leaders communicate with staff moderators and escalate potential violations for review, but they dont moderate discussions. I have been to Vegas twice (both in the same calendar year), once with my wife when she was attending a conference (hobby, not work related) and the second time with my (at the time) elementary school aged daughter. Yeah Im trying to tell myself this kind of misconception is the kindest possible explanation. It is easy to go to Las Vegas and behave responsibly. Congratulations, his friends are ALSO sexist and manipulative. When I moved to a big city to go to grad school, I got ALL KINDS of concern, especially when I started working swing shift and got home at midnight! But the effect of his behavior on her is a them issue. I resent our new hires for setting better work-life boundaries than our company normally has, hairy legs at work, my office sent me a random TV, and more, heres an example of a great cover letter with before and after versions, my employee cant handle even mildly negative feedback, my new coworker is putting fake mistakes in my work so she can tell our boss Im bad at my job, insensitive Diversity Day, how to fire someone who refuses to talk to us, and more, weekend open thread February 25-26, 2023, assistant became abusive when she wasnt invited to a meeting, my coworkers dont check on people who are out sick, and more. In my experience, OP, the best thing you can do to convince him counseling is the answer is to focus on YOU when youre talking to him. But leave out the reasons, the excuses, the justifications and the emotions, as far as you can. An emotionally distant husband may often seem indifferent or indecisive about decisions: Vacation destinations. However, Im not sure if this is the crux of the LWs issue since her husband clearly said that he has a problem with the what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas mentality. rarely cede ground. Plan and reminisce together to create shared anticipation beforehand and shared . The things she comes up with are completely fictional, not based in any kind of reality at all. And, in those cases both parties may need to adjust their behavior and / or way that they communicate. One of our Bright Side readers sent us an e-mail pouring her heart out about a tricky situation she's going through. Or is he bad whenever you are off doing anything on your own? Your husband has some very abnormal thoughts and I cant any scenario where you not going to Vegas has any bearing on the kind of warped thinking going on in his brain. Husband needs to chill, big time. In these instance either hes cheating, Im cheating (not happening), or one of us is crazy. In either case though, go on the trip. Good luck, Emma. Then maybe, if you can swing it, a weekend trip there for the two of you would be a good idea? I couldnt be with someone this domineering and controlling. of my colleagues are and having the convention somewhere like Las Vegas brings in more talent from around the world. One of my favorite Dan Savage letters was about whether they were broken up (his former girlfriends opinion) or not broken up (his preference, because it would mean he had to start dating again and who wants that bother?). Privacy Policy and Affiliate Disclosures. Finally, I can think of far better places to hold business meetings like Atlanta you have to change planes here anyway, so why not?? I had no other work pending and a ton of free time, so what did I do? I dont much care for Vegas. You go on trips, no one lets you go. I did a big expo in Ocean City during the Spring everything was still closed, I spent a good chunk of it setting stuff up, taking stuff down, and generally stuck in a hotel and the only fun I had was going to a few restaurants and walking on the beach for half an hour. Clearly youve been abducted. Two birds one stone! Prostitution is NOT legal in Las Vegas. Shopping! And hes trying to sabotage your livelihood with his nonsense? Nothing magical about Vegas. Theres no life insurance policy in the world that would substitute for my husbands continued presence in my life and on this planet. We are both off work for the summer so we can easily split up the car ride and stop and get a hotel for the night along the way. I hope you can get some work done despite your husbands interference while you are gone. Im sure he must have good qualities, but this isnt one of them. And no matter what, go on the trip. Its not a geographic nexus of evil or on a Hellmouth or anything, cmon! A difficult or stressful situation with in-laws can cause undue stress and anxiety, making you feel rejected and undervalued. Most of the shows arent appealing, either, and theyre almost all too expensive. When an argument starts stop trying to persuade him or defend yourself. Note to the Las Vegas Convention and Visitors Bureau. I dont think you necessarily need to fear him, but as other commenters have said, there are parts of this that seem dangerous and disturbing from our perspective. And when your husband does things like that, why would you choose him over anything else? Later I saw an art exhibit. So, considering that this issue really could be either one, I suppose its no wonder were seeing a lot of both here and it feels like they arecompeting? It isnt like the reputation just happened by accident. You need your job and you need a good career trajectory, even assuming you and your husband stay together and nothing different happens in the future. But even if its absolutely true that hes worried about this, NO WAY should OP allow her husbands irrational fear sabotage her job! Counseling is a great start. The second I walked in the front door I thought this is exactly the type of place where the murder of the week happens in almost every episode. Yeah, cheating is a pretty terrible thing to accuse a partner of without any basis, and personally is an immediate dealbreaker for me. They might be mad that they're not invited . Unless, its a SERIOUSLY homogeneous group, whichis possibleunfortunately. Id also check out books such as When Panic Attacks and How to Stop Worrying and Start Living Life. While we were there, her then-husband called and texted her literally every ten minutes. Vegas is not somewhere Id vacation, but conferences there are very smooth and convenient. Same! It was a realllllly boring upbringing. :D. Naked Business Orgy in Vegas is what Im naming my metal-covers-of-show-tunes band. I go out of state to continuing education conferences, I dont know, once or twice a year. Yes, you can absolutely get yourself in serious trouble in Vegas but you can also have the most dull weekend imaginable. Is it only the Vegas trip where he has the outsized reaction or is there some anxiety for safety around all trips? I go to Vegas twice a year for fun, and while you can get into the seedier side of it IF YOU WANT TO, its also very, VERY easy to not get into it all. There is SO much more to Vegas than gambling, booze, and illicit sex. Hee! Maybe hes an abusive dick. Las Vegas is not my favorite place ever because I dont love big crowds or gambling, but its just a city. Hes been working through them and he was much better during my last work trip. This is a case where you cannot cater to his anxiety or insecurity. I think that theres value in saying, this could be going on, and it might be something to watch out for, but definitive statements that range far, far beyond whats in the letter are really problematic, both because they can end up being irrelevant and because they can make the OP dismiss the rest of the input being offered, because the read on that particular aspect the situation is incorrect. Im wondering if perhaps your husband doesnt have the life experience of travelling to big cities and realizing that all of them are much different than portrayed in the media? Another is that hes questioning the companys motives. Seriously, I grew up in Las Vegas. Actually the cigarette smoke present in many buildings is the biggest turn off for me about Vegas. Ack. I went to Vegas for work once. For example, my wife likes to go for walks, and sometimes takes a scenic route while enjoying herself outside (She loves hiking and exploring in nature). That doesnt mean I believe totally that hubby polled everybody and reports the results fairly, but it really doesnt have to be an indication that he ignored a local majority to find like-minded people. A three day annual business trip to any location is not an unreasonable expectation. I was fine, nothing weird happened to me, but I wont stay off strip again. THIS. She keeps asking us (no matter how many times we decline) if we need her to buy us Amazon Fresh groceries. Answer (1 of 11): I do not care why he does it! Im going to second the suggestion of marriage counseling, but I think your husband sounds controlling and unreasonable. Frankly, there are very few cities that can handle massive conferences and Vegas may be the only option for the OPs company. Same. Being disabled doesnt give you carte-blanche permission to be a jerk.. My mouth just kept falling wider and wider open. What happens in Vegas was a successful ad campaign that ran its course a long time ago, not a requirement for how to treat the trip. And Id add that theres a difference between (unwarranted) demands rooted in irrational fears, and those rooted in control/trust issues. If your husband doesnt trust you to handle three days sitting in conference rooms in Las Vegas with your coworkers, thats a fundamental relationship problem. You would have to go out of your way to find a casino, a lavish bar with topless entertainment, or an escort service. M.M. Gamboling is a type of frolicking around without a care in the world. I probably filled up that Jacuzzi tub in the bathroom with $100 worth of water during my stay. Its been 12 years for me. Agree with the high level of security even on the streets. OP, I really hesitate to use the word abuse when it comes to anyone elses relationship, but this post is giving me bad flash backs to a boyfriend who did this kind of thing to me all the time and I now know that it was psychological, emotional abuse and manipulation. Dont get in a bike accident! I cannot stress how much this letter pisses me off. My own partner has no issue with me going out of state for geek conventions a couple times a year, with people Ive known longer than him, sometimes sharing mixed-gender rooms. Sometimes its hard to realize that the smaller part of an issue youre focusing on is actually part of something bigger, and you need someone else to alert you to that. I dont know, I think you are underestimating how the Internet has magnified the echo chamber effect. In *that* sense, I think there can be a legit question about when you can gracefully bow out of a work trip, and when you have to stick it out and go. If this is anxiety, OCD, or any other disorder then therapy for himself is absolutely necessary. If you bring consoling up, will he go? husband doesn t want to go on family vacation. should I tell my coworker about our colleagues criminal record, I deeply regret joining my companys leadership program, and more, my company is cutting my overworked teams pay as punishment for mistakes. But I did find pictures of her with male strippers so yeah Im nervous shes younger and hasnt traveled like I have the world can be dangerous. But also, my aunt and uncle are pretty bigoted and I know they modeled the idea of a submissive wife and dominant husband for my cousin. Yeah, Vegas can be a skeezy place but I havent found it to be any worse than LA, Nashville, Cincinnati, New York, Seattle, Boston, or any of the other cities Ive been to. I think (I hope!) Husband Doesn't Want to Come with the Family on Vacation. This isnt normal, as you say, and a good husband will support you as you travel. IMO once you start catering to this kind of thing, it does not ever get better. My partner has a fantastic story of stumbling on some kind of yakuza pre-dustup in Namba (in a Family Mart of all places). And you will regret it even more if your marriage ends and you put yourself in a worse position just to appease irrational fears. But a counselor can assess it and go from there. I wear a light, carry a phone, and stay in my neighborhood where I know whats normal and whats not til the sun goes up. They have to want to change. I also had this thought. Vegas is one of the cheapest options with the best meeting facilities. of course im very careful around others who drink and make it a point to be responsible and not get carried away, kwim? I deeply hope that he is just sort of neurotic and doesnt handle it very well. The tipping point came when he suggested I find my boss a girlfriend you know, so Boss wouldnt be tempted to hit on me. Its also fascinating, because it makes me wonder about his friends. They did indeed get married, and unsurprisingly, it ended in spectacularly bad fashion. Might need to go back. She then decided to keep the baby's gender a secret until it was born. If OP and her husband are from perhaps a small conservative town and the husband has never been, theres a slim chance that hes reacting to this reputation. simple path graph example; tahoe blue vodka costco; emt patient assessment cheat sheet pdf Alternar men. But you dont get to be irrational all over someone else without consequence. Group Owners uphold the core values of the brand by reporting content that violates the community guidelines. Thats worrying about what other people will do TO me. Your husband is way overreacting and yall need to figure out why. I did manage to save the relaionship (even though Mothers anxiety never went away; be prepared for that too) I truly hope that you can save your relationship with your spose, OP. And I do like some gambling. Its just boring to us because we arent into flashy lights and gambling. but it was the backbone of learning to manage anxiety. Give yourself at least 45 min for each stop: time to change a diaper, feed, go to the restroom, maybe change a second diaper before you get back on the road. I do think some commenters above have some good thoughts on why this might require individual counseling (in addition to or instead of couples counseling), but it sounds like youre pursuing both, which is great. I was bottle feeding at the time and would simply feed as my SO drove as well as changed diapers at either gas stops or just quickly in the car versus making 30-45 min stops. Also it can help having an objective outsider there. So much wow. Say to yourself something like, I am not a therapist, and even if I were, it would be unethical and impossible for me to treat someone Im in a relationship with. Theres a lot of pressure on family to be carers and therapists and *everything* someone needs its not possible, its often harmful give yourself permission to skip that mess. If he refuses to go, go alone. Me doing anything outside of our normal routine puts an additional child care burden on her, and vice versa. This absolutely doesnt make the response of OPs husband right in any sense, but figuring out why they are feeling like this can be helpful and can help figure out where to go from there. Conflict resolution. How would it feel if you lost your job or got demoted because you stopped travelling due to his shenanigans? I dont think its all that misogynistic cheating isnt the only thing hes worried about. This giant conference centers attached to hotels are a dime a dozen in Vegas, tons of flights from everywhere around the country go to Vegas and there are always deals on those flights, it just honestly makes sense to plan conferences and business trips to Vegas, especially if theyre for very large events. That is not rational and that is not how business or marriages work. Flying might be easier. My husband has been in counseling and on medication for his mental health. Couples counseling may be useful but controlling spouses are sometimes effective manipulators and in those situations couples counseling is a terrible idea. Would he partake in an support of psychological therapy and consoling? Whereas in reality, I just hope that this will be the time when Im on the subway at 1am and it wont be too crowded to get a seat. Its just Vegas (and Disney) are more designed to keep you inside their controlled, predictable corporate environment so as to better separate you from your money. Plus, if youre on the strip, you dont ever really have go on the streets. You can pretty much get from one end of the strip to the other cutting through casinos and over skywalks. I never said anything about kiddnaping I had 3 seperate friends get sexually assaulted there. To expand a little bit on what Anita and others above have posited: Regardless of whether this is solely an artifact of having absorbed toxic masculinity, or an anxiety/perseverative/compulsive thoughts issue, or some combination thereof, my experience has been that successful treatment of such issues will likely involve at least some behavior change on the part of the OP, and the OP stands to gain a lot of helpful personal skills by being an active participant (as appropriate) in whatever mix of interpersonal, couples, or cognitive behavioral therapy that they find. Him trying to get her to conform to a cultural norm that shes rejecting isnt necessary toxic, but just because its somebodys culture doesnt mean they get to impose it on others. And he, I think, talked that out with a therapist eventually. Your husband is being insecure (at best!). It was a blast! Iasked ifI could come. I mean, the worst thing that happened to me in Vegas was that I came back 10 pounds heavier from all the buffets. Or the students who rejected their rejection letters when I worked in college admissions. She wrote: His main objection is the fact that the trip is located in Las Vegas. I shut that down fast by reminding her I was working an evening shift that ended at 11 PM. A city with a lot of hotels and legalized gambling, but it also has residential neighborhoods, malls, schools, etc. A relationship problem is not necessarily a problem where both people in the relationship are doing something wrong, but a problem that affects the relationship. I worked 100 hours in 8 days. Im guessing its because Vegas sounds like its all casinos and bars and drunk parties, and if I learned anything in college its that bars and drunk parties are teeming with predators. I would imagine thats what happens in Vegas for a great many solo work travelers. But it is a common business trip destination for the reasons others have noted and certainly poses no danger to anyone with common sense. The lack of trust here is pretty disturbing, as are his over-the-top fears. (Overeating or eating rich foods, drinking, drugs, gambling, or sex?) I cant recall exactly how they recommended to handle it, but it started with asking the spouse about what exactly they feared and coming to a compromise that would address the fear. This reminds me of when I studied abroad in London and my mom warned me about people like Jack the Ripper. You might want to change, but also can't. If you need to go out and do things, go do those with your friends and family, or even initially-strangers via v. I agree with Alison here. My boyfriend used to freak out every time I had to travel for work. They just find more things to get worried about. So this is a relationship question, as Allison and others have said. Hehesitated, but agreed.Onthe third day ofthe vacation, his parents, brothers, and their spouses were all sitting atatable outside whileI was preparing afruit salad. Wouldnt that bother you?. I dont think its either/or, necessarily. If the problem isnt the one everyone jumps on, that means the LW get a lot of useless advice on a problem they dont have. Well discuss, compromise, agree to disagree, but I do NOT need permission. My mom is the same way. Yeah theres a mosque and an Islamic centre, but Ive been into both for visit my mosque day and the imam was happy to talk to me (a white non-religious woman) and everyone was very nice and gave us snacks, so yeah. Talk about what services you provide. I hate the idea that the LWs husband feels like he has some kind of power to tell his spouse that she cant go on this trip. At least thats what happens to *me* at conferences whether theyre in Kansas City or Honoluhu. The idea of where we are in danger is terribly skewed in the US. Unless therapy can move him beyond this pathetic lack of respect for either her or confidence in his own worth, this is a nightmare of a lifetime to contemplate. i went away for a few days for work, but had some cool stories to come home with. And then he interprets the lack of disagreement as agreement. It turned out that this was part of a larger problem he would call her every ten minutes at her desk at work too, and if she didnt answer, he would have her paged over the intercom. Its the relationship version of all of the my boss wont let me resign letters! Does hehave ahistory ofnot wanting toshare parts ofhis life with others?